I'm tired of feeling disappointed whenever I walk out of an audition. I've become one of those actors that wants to apologize for their work. Bullshit. I'm a good actor and I KNOW I have it in me to be a better one. I need to bring more of myself to my pieces...after all, there's only ONE me and THAT'S exactly what I need to show CD's and agents and directors. If I want to be successful I have to walk in that room thinking, "I'm about to blow their fucking minds." So no more excuses. I have good pieces. I need to trust them. Wouldn't hurt to have a few more that are my type-appropriate and I'll find them in due time.
I'm struggling today. And yesterday. And probably tomorrow. I have all of this STUFF inside me but I can't get it out. Motivation ebbs and flows until I find myself watching my fifth episode of West Wing for the day. I don't end up working out...which is probably why I feel tired all the time. I don't end up reading much unless it's on the train. I'm keeping up on the NY Times, which is an important part of being an actor that I'm incorporating into everyday life. I want to do some sort of map-based artwork but I haven't even thought about that. I can blame the fact that everything I own is still in two towers of boxes in my room but that's BS.
I'm going to do yoga tomorrow with my friend Rocio. It'll be a good motivator I think. Hopefully it can help release some pent-up emotional tension in my muscles. I get misty eyed at the drop of a hat to the point where I'm blind with tears at least twice per episode of the West Wing...I mean it's a really fucking good show but come on! Perhaps I'm getting my emotions to the surface a bit better, which can only help with acting.
I need to get on the horse when it comes to creating my own work. I should be writing a scene or something but I can only seem to write when it's about my life. It'd be easier to create if I had like-minded, available artists around me...but that's not the case and I can't hide behind that.
On the other hand....I NEED TO GIVE MYSELF A FUCKING BREAK! I made a big move to a GIGANTIC city....alone. I'm getting over a three year relationship. I'm making about $147/week. I'm trying not to drink for awhile. And if all of this results in the fact that I spend time by myself in my room watching Netflix then so be it. Carpe diem another diem...put that in your pipe and smoke it Robin Williams.
I saw The Suit a few nights ago. It was directed by Peter Brook, this TITAN of theatre that has inspired and challenged my perceptions about theatre through his books...and a man who quite frankly I thought was long dead. I believe he's 88 now and he's still got it. I've read a lot of his thoughts about theatre and it was nice to see how his ideologies translate to his work on the stage.
His cast was wonderful. Through the use of mime and a few mobile set pieces, they created a beautiful apartment that truly felt like it was in South Africa. It really does prove that you don't need to spend thousands of dollars building sets to set the scene. Simply by saying "I'm going to wash my hands in the sink of here" can illustrate a kitchen sink just as effectively as an actual kitchen sink. Give the audience some credit. As the saying goes, "the book is always better than the movie." Well why is that? I think it's because our minds are quickly able to populate a setting with rich detail that fits for us. It's individualized. But if you physically show the setting to someone, you're showing one individual person's visualization of a setting...thereby inserting their vision and pushing the individual audience member's vision aside.
Don't get me wrong...I love spectacle...I just hate to see it relied upon.
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