Wednesday, September 13, 2017

In Regards to the Eleventh Time I've Written Something Akin to This

I need to start writing more.
I have all these dreams and ideas.
I want to look back on life and say, “I accomplished them.”
But right now I look back at my life and think, “where did I go wrong?”
I walked through Wayne State last week and saw some former faculty and hung out with Yesmeen. She mentioned how much she loved my monologue exercise with the chair above your head. I remember thinking just how much I enjoyed working with students and being trusted. I recalled all the dreams that I had coming out of Wayne State and wanting to accomplish them.
First things first…I’ve accomplished many things. I’m part of AEA AND SAG/AFTRA now which is pretty incredible. I never even dreamed of that. I’ve been paid (and paid well to be an actor) in theatre, film, and now television. I have the potential.
But now I need to develop a career that’s worth managing.
I want to buy a weekly MTA card.
In order to do that I have to stay in town.
I need to be taking classes every week. Figuring out what are the most benefitial to me as an actor.
It’s depressing to me that I won’t be in town for a weekend until November. It’s September now.
I want to teach still. I want to be a working actor. I want to be auditioning all the time.
I want to be a better son and brother and uncle and friend.
I want to live in New York City.
I want to live in Chicago.
I want to live in Minneapolis.
I want to live in Kansas City.
I want to live in Iowa.
I want to create a one man show and put the fucker up and perform it.
I want to speak about what it means to be an American and find the commonalities.
I want to help liberals understand conservatives more.
I want to do an interview talking about the process that I’ve done this amazing work.

But first, I need to calm down. Focus. Work with an economy of movement. Start little by little. Conduct an interview. Write to an agent. Take a class with a casting director. One of those a day. That’s all it has to be.


Begin.

Thursday, March 30, 2017

Regarding the Long Journey to Kill the General Actor


"I don't think we really need anymore general actors." - Deborah Hedwall

It feels so good to be in an acting class again. One of my biggest goals when I moved to New York City was to find a scene study class and, just before the four year mark, I found it.

I started taking class with Deborah Hedwall in late September of 2016 and, simply put. it's made me a better actor. It's the acting class I've always wanted. She's a sensitive teacher who drives home simple concepts over and over again.

Action. Action. Action. What are you doing?
Who am I? Point of view. Global Glasses.

I leave the class inspired and with a clearer understanding of the craft of acting and building a character....and also alternately thinking acting is easy and acting is the hardest thing in the world.

Some recurring themes that have stuck with me:

Core circumstance - take this away and the scene wouldn't exist. What's the dilemma...every scene is about a dilemma

Global glasses - I am a _________ in a world of __________.

Curiosity - people stay in the scene because they're CURIOUS about the dilemma

Specificity - ask a question, why, because, why, because...

Playing a quality is a dead end

Emotion life is revealed through action

Front Loading - creating a situation for just before the scene that raises the stakes.

As If/Substitution

Stop smiling - don't let people off the hook with your smile.

Stillness - you're really going to enjoy stillness.

POV + ACTION, not emotion

Direct hit scene

Spine - relationship to the world

"Technique is what you do when you don't know what to do" - Uta Hagen


Thursday, March 10, 2016

Regarding the impossible task of staying on target

What is the point of life? Shit. Am I really asking those questions? Now? Am I entering a 1/3-life philosophical crisis?

I've been struggling lately. I haven't had too many things to build my confidence up. I've been very un-Gentleman Caller-y. Maybe this is what Jim feels like most of the time. Lost. Beaten down. Only when he is around someone special does he come alive. I need a Laura. But an equal Laura, not someone I talk down to.

Maybe it will help to contact some good energy people. I just contacted Lynne and she always has a good spirit. It's good to be around someone like that. Cathryn and Fisher would be good to hang out with too. Malary.

-----------

Ok. Momentary freak out. It's gone...wonder if it has something to do with the 70 degree weather outside?

The toughest thing for me about being an actor in New York is the fear of missing out. It's so easy to get pulled in different directions. The opportunities are endless:

One man show
Professor jobs
Devised theatre with friends
EPAs
Actor's Access
New York agent auditions
Detroit agent auditions
regional theatres
New York theatres
commercials
voice overs
One on One classes
acting classes
conservatories
network television auditions
film auditions
indie film auditions
student films
production work
directing
festivals
theatre companies

Whenever I talk to a friend or a fellow actor I think, "they're so far ahead of me...I should be doing that." So I try to pursue everything, get overwhelmed, and end up pursuing nothing. Same thing happens to me day to day. I have all these things I want to accomplish, but I have trouble deciding on one so I end up losing myself in the internet for hours until the day is done and I feel awful for not having done anything.

You can't do it all. Don't get distracted. Stay on target.

I need to focus on what I want to do. Pursue the career I want. "Don't chase the dragon" as Alec Baldwin once said. For me it's, "Don't get distracted by the windmill." So the question is, what kind of career do I want to have?

1. Secure a commercial and voiceover agent. This should've been done long ago, but that's ok. Forgive yourself. If I get one of these agents then the hard work should be done and they can help me find work. The improv class will help with the auditions, so that's a good thing.

2. Gather CV and professor job materials. Finish the application packet, then it's simply searching for jobs and sending in my materials. Simple enough. But first I have to finish it.

3. Work on one man show about political differences. This has been 5 years in the making so I need to do this. I can work on this at my pace, without any outside pressure. Give myself assignments and complete those assignments to move forward and make this more of a reality.

4. Actor's access and One-on-One classes. Check these sites everyday. Don't linger for too long, just have a strong sense of what auditions and classes you would want to pursue.

5. Find a script to direct friends in. This will scratch the director itch and help build my resume. Find a script, fall in love with it, cast it, find funding, and mount it.


Monday, February 1, 2016

Detailing the Crushing Feeling of Utter Failure

This past weekend was supposed to be a great success for me, Peter, and Chris. Instead, we didn't even show up.

Our political performance in Iowa never saw the light of day. The excuses I have for that are as follows: It was too difficult to plan a performance taking place in Iowa with performers residing in Chicago, Detroit, and New York, especially given that we have never attempted to create an original piece before.

There. We failed. We didn't set out to do what we planned.

And that's ok.

I could let this bug me but there's no point to that. I gotta get up on the horse and keep pursuing happiness. 

I don't want to let this project die, though. I want to keep going with it and see if I can finally get this out of my system. I care about politics and I care about my home state's influence in the political process.

Over the past year, I saw three politicians: Mike Huckabee, Martin O'Malley, and Chris Christie; the latter I actually got to ask a question.

So while I suffered a defeat, the battle isn't over. Gotta keep going.

Thursday, June 4, 2015

And That's a Wrap

My final day of filming began in the hair and makeup trailer as usual, however this was my first time sharing the trailer with John Travolta.

"Ah, my son-in-law!" he greeted me with.

I was a bit thrown because this was my first time seeing him without his wig on. Completely bald. In fact he was in the middle of having his head shaved. I couldn't help thinking....he's just a normal guy. A normal 62 year old man. Hair and makeup can make him into Stanley Hill, wrath-bringer. But in reality he's just John Travolta, proud father of two who has thinning hair and dad arms. Hey, kinda like my dad.

Since this was my last day, I came baring gifts....a giant bag of chocolate, jelly beans and a card made by the one and only Jessie Kinyon. It had four dresses on it, for each of the four ladies in the hair and makeup trailer, and said, "You're fancy." A funny story ended up coming out of this, which I'll describe later.

Finally I took my seat, which was the chair immediately to the left of John. I had to take a moment to let that sink in. I was getting my hair and makeup done next to John Travolta. I think it was the equality of it that struck me the most. Two actors sitting next to each other being prepped for a day of filming.

I'm not remotely suggesting that we are equals. JT is in his fifth decade of film making and, let's face it, he's a legend. I'm Jordan. I was cleaning up champagne and broken glass off of a Michael Kors boutique floor a few months ago.

But I was hired to be an actor in this film. John was hired to be an actor in this film. Ergo, we are equals. It was this simple equation that gave me the confidence to make it through this film.

Back to the hair and makeup trailer, John is commenting on the posteriors of the four ladies in the trailer. "Yeah all of you have back."

Back, noun 1. Booty of significant size.

"You got back too" John added about me. This struck me as odd, yet humorous.

After I had my finishing touches, I rose out of my seat to get changed and John again referenced my butt.

"Yeah you got Meloni butt."

Meloni butt, noun 1. Posterior sharing similar qualities to that of actor's Christopher Meloni. 2. Not to be confused with baloney butt, which is not good.

"Wow....can I put that on my resume?" I asked, trying to play it cool after this celebrity just compared my butt to another celebrity's. I ducked out of the trailer, trying to maintain my composure.

We were dealing with the final scenes of the film and the pages were a mere day old. Chuck had spent the weekend doing a major rewrite, then spent last night doing a rewrite of a rewrite. A simple scene showing the family visiting Stanley in the hospital morphed into a scene with two new characters, a doctor, a lawyer....and a gun.

The doctor and the lawyer were hired the day before. The lawyer, a great guy named Jeff Grover, was going over his lines, which were very jargon-heavy. I asked him if he wanted help running them and he was grateful for the offer. We ran them so many times I ended up memorizing everyone else's lines in the two page scene, which might be a good habit to pick up.

Poor Jeff, though. When it came time to film the scene, the lines, which were there just a few minutes ago, left him when the camera's turned on. I think the big problem was that he didn't have a night's rest for the lines to sink in. We did a few takes and eventually got through it, but all of us empathized with him and were giving him lots of encouragement. Amanda was especially good at waving off Jeff's apologies. She understands the demands of learning lines in a condensed amount of time.

The most irritating moment was when the producer came over and tried to talk to Jeff.

"Hey, have fun, alright? Have fun!"

Sounds encouraging to read, but the comment was very inappropriate considering the source. Chuck actually intervened and told the producer to get lost, then whispered to Jeff that he was doing great and the producer shouldn't talk to his actors.

Jayden, our darling little boy, was struggling too...but it wasn't his fault at all. The kid is six years old and he's asked to stay up AND behave until 1am. Not to mention....he had school the following morning. But when they said "Action" he was right next to me where he needed to be. What a trooper.

(Should've finished writing this when it was a bit fresher.)

-----------

All in all, the movie was a wonderful experience. A little trying at times because of the constant shifts in the schedule, but I can't imagine a better experience for my first movie.

Wow...my first first movie was playing John Travolta's son-in-law. Shit!

I think if I could do it all over again I would've let myself enjoy the process more. I spent a lot of time trying to stay grounded so I wouldn't crack up when it came time to shoot the scene. It was just what I had to do. But now that I know I can get through a high pressure situation, I would take in the moment more.

What got me through this whole process was a simple equation that I created for myself.

John Travolta = actor in I Am Wrath
Jordan Whalen = actor in I Am Wrath

therefore...

Jordan Whalen = John Travolta.

Obviously I'm not equal to John Travolta. He's had a successful career spanning five decades. I've done one movie. But in this case, in order to do my best, I needed to believe that I was on the same level as John Travolta.

And it worked. I got through it. I was focused. I wasn't self-conscious. I listened. I learned.

I made my first movie.

Wednesday, April 1, 2015

The Experience of Sharing a Scene with a Movie Star

Applause. The familiar chorus to a performance's verse. Heard so often in the confines of a theater, now sounding unfamiliar and out of place.

Over one hundred line the sidewalk across the street, eagerly waiting for John Travolta to leap out of the house to the beat up Explorer where I sit in the front seat, concussed and a clean bullet wound through my shoulder. The car is riddled with bullet holes and broken glass is everywhere. We're the victims of a vicious drive by in broad daylight.

"Where you hit?!?"

(wincing in paid) "Shoulder."

"Anywhere else?!?

"No...no..."

"Put some pressure on it."

My wife in the film, Amanda, presses an aqua bath towel to my shoulder to stop the bleeding.

"I'm alright. It's alright!" I shout, leaning my head back against the head rest. Abby and Stanley argue about what happened, if she saw the color of the car, who was it. Abby bristles with the realization that the gunmen were actually after father. He is putting her family at risk because of his need for vengeance.

"Who's next? Me? Jimmy?!"

"That is never going to happen. I wouldn't let anything bad happen to you."

"It. Just. Did."

"We gotta get him to a hospital and you and Jimmy to a hotel."

And CUT!

Wild applause from our front lawn audience. Kids huddled in the front row, taller parents in the back with cell phones out and recording.

"We're here every Thursday!" John shouts to the crowd, receiving a big laugh. Truth be told he could say just about anything and they would eat it up....because it's John Freakin' Travolta! In their neighborhood. Filming a movie in front of their houses.

It's a day I will remember for the rest of my life. This special day where I shared a scene with John Travolta and Amanda Schull. I had a "bullet wound" puncturing my left shoulder and a bloody bruise on my forehead above my left temple. I feel like I'm still coming down from it. Such a wild day!

That was my last scene of the day and I was released but I didn't want to leave. After the scene John went to greet the crowd and was immediately descended upon. I ran over to snap pictures of the madness, then instantly felt out of place and worried that people thought I was there for my own autograph requests. I ended up taking pictures with some of the people, which was a satisfying dose of celebrity.

We all retreated back into the house where I could wait for the van to take me back to base camp and the others could wait for the next scene. This was the perfect opportunity to grab photos and document this day. Everyone was happy to and we got some good shots.

This was just one of those days. Surreal and incredible and a whole lot of other adjectives.

Thursday, March 26, 2015

Regarding the Excruciating and Painful Process of Filmmaking

Four days.

Four days out of sixteen. That's all I've worked. I continue to make more money in a single day of work than I have in entire seasons.

Jayden, the boy playing my son Jimmy in the film, chastised me yesterday for not being on set the previous two days. "Where have you been?!? You're lazy." Oh Jayden. It's not due to laziness, it's the oft-changing schedule with my work days spread far apart resulting in chunks of down time. Financially lucrative, but it leaves me isolated and bored. My days primarily revolve around when I work out, which isn't a bad life, but I could be doing more if I was home in New York.

And that's my major complaint. I have a wonderful life in New York that I haven't lead in about three months. I've been attempting to make a trip home, but every window I've had open closes on me just as quick. One day the schedule is Set, then next day it's in flux again. For some reason "I miss Thea and want to see her" doesn't sway the production schedule nor that of it's numerous name actors. Huh.

Filming yesterday went great. It was a happily falling action scene in the movie. Abigail and I playing keep away from Jimmy with a soccer ball on the porch. Basking in the rays of the long missed sun. The mailman comes and Jimmy plops down on my lap as I teach him how to throw a curve. He's enwrapped one take, bored the next. I try to teach him about continuity from take to take in movie making. He tries to teach me about a store named Mynards his friend told him about.

"My brother and I used to joke about that store too. 'Save big money at my narrrrds.'"

Teaching a six year old kid that and you feel like Jerry Seinfeld. He cracked up every time. I think he even guffawed one time. Guffawed!

This was Scene 160, the final scene of the movie that culminates with The End. A sliver of a scene in
the script and again it takes three hours. I'm not complaining, but the pace of film making still amazes me.

I've been looking for a window where I can observe on set a bit more. I've been a bit tentative to ask, but I think I just need to head over from base camp when I have down time. I met Chris Moroney that way yesterday. His scene was up next so he was over early and that gave me a chance to meet him. I haven't been star struck yet, not even with JT, and I wasn't overwhelmed when I met Chris either. This is due to careful mental manipulation and preparation.

Chris seemed just like a normal guy waiting to do his job. I wanted to say "love your work", which I might have done it if it hadn't been for the fact I would be referring to was his three episode cameo on Scrubs rather than his more recent and well-known work in Law & Order: SVU.

I'm trying to find a place of relaxation. Live in the moment and enjoy myself. It would be more fun if I had Thea with me. Then this would feel like vacation....well, more like vacation. Ultimately, I'm incredibly lucky to be doing this movie. Lucky to be acting as my career. It's not always easy, but then nothing in life ever is. It's about living in the moment and not moving the goal posts. I can't say I do it every day, but I'm getting better at it.

Saturday, March 21, 2015

Explaining the Differences Between Film and Theater

Theater: You're cast. You receive the script and pour over it and learn your lines. You have your first rehearsal where you meet the director, cast and oftentimes staff members who work at the theater. Designers make presentations on their work and you discover what you'll wear and what the set looks like. You do a read through and even though you're prepared it never goes that well. But you got it out of the way, that gunky, clunky first try. You spend three to four weeks, six days a week, four to eight hours a day to talk about the scene, block it and rehearse it. You have a designer run after a few weeks and any comfort you felt with the play dissolves in front of an audience. But you get through it and leave that hurdle behind. Certain scenes get more attention than others as you refine and iron out the work. Finally you take it to the theater, where again you have to get the gunk out and readapt to new surroundings. Tech is integrated and it's slow moving. With every run of the show a few more people are in the audience and you get more and more comfortable. Finally you have your first official audience, be it a preview or opening night. There's exhilaration and nerves, but you've prepared and dissected for months so you're ready for it. You continue to explore and refine your performance over the weeks of the run, culminating in your last chance to "get it right," closing night, and you end your run.

Film: You're cast. You either get your scenes or the entire script, which you pour over and learn your lines. You explore the different scenarios of the scene, making guesses as to where the furniture will be and what the scene will feel like. Suddenly, it's your first day of shooting where you're called to the set, you get your hair and makeup done, and you head to your trailer. Perhaps they bring you some food or coffee, perhaps they don't. Perhaps you've met the person you'll be sharing the scene with, perhaps you haven't. Mainly, you wait. And wait. And wait some more. You try to relax and focus and go over your scene as many times as possible because you never know when they'll call you over. You're eventually summoned to the set for a rehearsal, which is not really about acting but about technical logistics such as where to place the camera and how to get the lighting just right. Your stand-ins take your spot so you can go change and prepare back in your trailer. You go over your scene as many times as you can, justifying the choices the director or cinematographer has made for you based upon the needs of the shot. Pick up this glass here, lean on your elbow here, making sure you do it at the same moment every time for continuity. You are summoned back to set where you take your positions and have last minute discussions. You shoot the scene in one or two takes, still trying to get a grasp on everything you're doing because they're moving so fucking fast. Next thing you know it's over. You hear, "We got it" and they're moving on to the next scene. It all feels vaguely unsatisfying and confusing, like a post-coitus with one night stand. (I've never actually had a one night stand, but I can imagine what it feels like).


Such was the case yesterday during filming. This was my third day on set and I had already learned a lot and I was feeling more and more comfortable with the camera. But yesterday was my "big" scene, the most important scene of the entire movie...for me. It was a bedroom scene where I'm consoling my wife over the recent loss of her mother. I had my lines down and I was prepared. We did a few rehearsals, but rather than discussing things like action and what's happening, it was largely about blocking and whittling the scene down. Words were changed and sentences were altered so many times it was difficult to remember what to say from take to take.

The director worked with me a lot, shouting out commands and manipulating my every move, which I couldn't help but feel was a condemnation of my performance. He spent time working with Amanda too, but it felt more like a collaboration. Maybe it's because she's a more seasoned film actor or maybe because she''s a "name" and one of the reasons this film is even getting made. I felt like he was picking up on my inexperience and passive demeanor, so I wish I had brought a more confident approach to the set.

It will be interesting to see what it ends up looking like in the final cut. I'm satisfied enough with the scene and I don't know how I would've done it differently. But I always want to feel like I nailed it and it didn't feel that way. But considering this was my first real film scene, a camera right in my face and tons of people hovering around, it could've gone much worse. I could've been been too self conscious and unable to focus. I could've let the pressure get to me and let that familiar laughter bubble up. But that didn't happen. I give props to Amanda for helping me stay in it. She was fully present and that really made a difference.

The moment was strong and it felt real and organic. Natural.

Now hopefully it makes the cut so I can see what it looks like and continue to learn from the experience.

Wednesday, March 18, 2015

Regarding the Experience Shooting My First Movie

I'm beginning to discover a new Truth in my life: The harder you work, the less money you make. Or put another way: The easier the work, the more money you make.

Auto shows have been easier than waiting tables has been easier than working in a video store has been easier than detassling corn.

And nowhere has this Truth been more apparent than in filming my first movie. It's called I Am Wrath and it stars John Travolta, Rebecca De Mornay and Amanda Schull and it's directed by Chuck Russell.

I haven't been very dedicated to keeping up with this blog, but with all the uncharted territory of making a movie, it is very necessary to devote a few posts to it.

Let me just start off by saying John Travolta is one of the nicest people I've worked with. He gets extra points because (1) he's a star and (2) his name above the title is probably the only reason the movie is being made. But he just genuinely reflects kindness. He's so congenial on set; he always makes time to talk to everyone and he's always in a good mood. He even takes time to take photos with the extras. This is his fifth decade making movies...I couldn't even begin to guess how many..but here he is treating everyone with respect and trying to bring as much joy to the process as possible. He took time to say hi to his "family", coming into the living room with a Yiddish accent straight out of Fiddler. His kids were in town and he was talking about how much better his mood is when they're on set with him. When he talked about them he radiated pride. His youngest, his four year old son, was asking him about what happens to people when they die. John said he wasn't sure, that maybe they go to another body, or they hang around or go somewhere else. His boy thought about this, then asked if a soul could taste. TASTE! How incredible is this kid to be asking those questions? We all marveled at his son's question and John kept smiling away, a proud father.

I think it's been a great lesson to meet a big celebrity, let alone get to work with one. I think about all the things that have been said about him, the face grabbing and "Adele Dazim" and it's all bullshit. It's tough to have cameras pointed at you and he's had them in his face for most of his life. But after observing how kind and genuine he is, I gotta say....fuck everyone that talks shit about him!

It's very bizarre being on a movie set, especially as an actor. A production assistant greets you when you arrive and tells you where to go. Usually it's hair and makeup. But before you go, they ask you if you want anything...coffee, tea, breakfast? 

"Uh yeah, what do  they have?"

"The usual breakfast stuff...they make a good chicken quesadilla too."

"Um...how about some bacon? And eggs? And potatoes of some kind?"

"Ok, i'll go ahead and bring that to you in hair and makeup."

"Are you sure? I can go get it..."

"No not at all!"

The amount they cater to me is difficult to take. I'm not used to being waited on. In fact, it's often my job to wait on other people. When I think about someone running to get me breakfast, I can't help but juxtapose that with being down on my hands and knees cleaning up broken glass and champagne at a Michael Kors store during a catering gig the previous month. Oh how life can change from moment to moment...

The tale of sitting around on a movie set and waiting all day is absolutely true. I was on set from noon-11:30pm yesterday and filmed for a combined hour and a half. The rest of the time I'm in this state of flux; preparing for the next scene and maintaining a state of readiness while also trying to relax and conserve energy.

Shooting a movie is obviously very different from performing in a play. The script has changed three times since I first got it two weeks ago. Yesterday, I was given a mic and a line in a scene where I originally wasn't supposed to have dialogue. And the stage directions have been wildly different from what actually ended up being filmed.

The whole time I've been nervous that this moment might be too big for me. That sharing a scene with a famous actor next to me, a massive camera pointed at my face, and a group of fifty crew members might make that ole "third eye" set up shop and zap my concentration. However I've largely been able to keep it at bay. It's still acting. It's still living truthfully in imaginary circumstances. In fact, it's often easier than what I'm used to in theater. On a movie set I have an actual couch to sit on, not a group of chairs that represent a couch. I have four walls around me in a house, not three walls and a gaping hole where an audience is watching me. And I have real food on the plate in front of me, not a large helping of air and emptiness.

After two days of shooting, I've learned an awful lot both in the logistics of filming as well as how to conduct yourself on set. Kindness works everywhere, so that was a pretty easy one to guess, though I always try to bring that to a work environment. Being professional was another easy one. But malleability is something that I've learned, to be able to invent business for yourself or change an interpretation on the spot.





Thursday, June 26, 2014

Nuggets from Simon Callow's "Being an Actor"

Stanislavsky's formula is based squarely on the concept of Action: that everything in a play is done in order to achieve a want of some kind. OBJECTIVE (What do I want?); ACTION (What do I do to get it?); OBSTACLE (What stands in my way?). The ACTION subdivides into ACTIVITIES, the separate means that I use to get what I want. There are INNER ACTIONS (which I use on myself) and OUTER ACTIONS (on other people), INNER OBSTACLES (my problems) and OUTER OBSTACLES (the problem of the other people). The whole sequence of actions in a play adds up the character's SUPER OBJECTIVE (their whole thrust in the world of the play). I don't think I've over-simplified.

"In order to WHAT? What MEANS are you using?'

I couldn't have learnt what I learnt there at drama school. It's only doing it that teaches.

Interesting to hear Simon note that older, more experienced actors gave him helpful notes and that he was grateful for it. Goes counter to the "never give a fellow actor a note" thing I've heard. I guess it's all intention though.

An actor who performs in a certain way because the director told him to, is not really there at all. He's in the past, his mind always harking back to the rehearsal room, thinking desperately: 'What did he tell me to do now? Oh, god, I'm sure that's wrong,' and so on. The performance will never grow, the actor's tension will block off any real expressive vibration because another, irrelevant person has clambered on to the stage between the actor and the audience: the director. The actor must own his performance, and the director must make sure he does.

Every failure is your failure; and every failure, as Christopher Fettes used to say, destroys the power of the theatre, kills to however small a degree its capacity to pierce the audience to the heart. Enough dreary performances, and people will stop looking to the theatre for revivification. As, to the large extent, they have.

Comedy: less funny the actor's find it, the more the audience will, runs the old adage.

It's an ugly sight to see an actor use the character (who after all, represents someone, something, from life) to entertain or to divert the audience. I'd been doing it all my acting life.

He was ruthless with us as actors, deploying his satiric tongue to erase the enemy, generalization. Over-acting, whether actual or incipient, he regarded with dread.

Noel Coward: Do what pleases you, and if it doesn't please the public, get out of show business.

To act thinking is hard; impossible, in fact. You must think - that's all there is to it. In this sense, all acting is wrong: acting feeling, acting sensing, acting intuition, are all bad, if not impossible. Thinking, feeling, sensing, intuiting: they must be present, not the imitation of them.

Shakespeare: I discovered that it was like surfing. Unlike most modern writing, the words, the meter and the rhythm contain their own energy. Once you've liberated it, it carries you forward effortlessly. It's a question of putting one's brain into the words and one's emotions into the rhythm.

I have to confess that in these matters, as with Shakespeare in general, I have found the Stanislavsky system of no use.

Laurette Taylor said to Tennessee Williams's mother on the first night of The Glass Menagerie, "Well, dear, how do you like yourself?

It is, in my experience, impossible to learn words: you learn the thought patterns of the character, of which the words are the inevitable expression.

One doesn't find oneself planning a voice, it simply pops out. I agree and disagree with this based on my experience playing Henry in The Fantasticks.

John Gielgud remarks somewhere that the problem in playing The Importance of Being Earnest is to stop the audience from laughing at every line, so as to enable them to laugh much more every four lines.

Real virtuosity in acting is passed over in favor of mere flashiness. I know, because I've done both.

Ethel Merman story. On the first night of Gypsy she'd been asked whether she was nervous: 'Noivous?' she asked. 'Why should I be noivous? If dey could do it as good as me, dey'd be up here."

To me, a technical problem is always the symptom of another deeper one. When the inner questions are solved, the others disappear. The brilliant director for me had always been the one who spotted the inner problem, or, more commonly, who created a rehearsal atmosphere where those problems came easily and naturally to the surface.

Never at any point were any of us consulted on the meaning of the play or the gesture of the production. Forty intelligent and gifted people were committed without choice to embodying John Dexter's view of the play. The design decisions have been made long before any actor is hired, the music commissioned, and most elements of the production finalized before the first read through.

Until actors are accorded equal responsibility with the director, the theatre will always be the fitful expression of one man's understanding.

A play needs to be discovered, uncovered one might say, liberated.

The greater the honesty, the greater self-exposure, was to offer myself as I was, just as attractive and charming as I actually was, not trying to be more or less. It had taken eight years to learn this simple thing.

Shakespeare language:

*Poel tradition - spotting antithesis, apposition and alliteration; realizing the metaphor; sensing the pulse of the meter, which is such a clear guide to meaning, too.

*The meaning of the line very often resides in the second half, so go towards that, which has the additional advantage of sustaining the forward movement of the verse.

*Giving the metaphor its life is the secret to the whole undertaking.

*Phrase by the line instead of the word.

*Any kind of heightened language, I discovered, has a pulse which compensates for the richness of texture, which would otherwise tend to drive the play into the past, lingering over its beautifies. The forward motion of the pulse counterbalances it and brings it where it should be: the present.

What animal is he like? If I could find the man's shape, it would be something. ...what I needed was something much simpler, something concrete, something which would give me a sensation.

In order to play the character the actor must experience the life in him, must let that life fill his consciousness. Writers are often proprietorial about their creations: what in fact has happened is that they've given birth to someone who has an independent existence.

You're breaking down your own thought patterns and trying to reconstruct them into those of the character, pushing into emotional territory which may be strange and difficult for you.

Vakhtangov said: 'Acting is to want, to want, and to want again.

Auditions:

*Eventually they stop laughing at each other's jokes, which you can't understand but laugh at louder than anyone, even gurgling for a few minutes after the main body of the laugh, as if the joke were repeating on you like breakfast.

*"I'd like to see a little more vulnerability." (Or majesty, or fun, but it's usually vulnerability. Hilarious that in this firing-squad situation, that's the one thing you can't produce at any cost."

*You have no partner of course, so somewhere in the middle-air you fix your eye on an imaginary interlocutor.

*What you are aware of is waves of restlessness coming from behind the trestle table, and no, absolutely no, laughs.

*I have never got a job from an audition, and only rarely from an interview. The audition system is one in which I can never give anything like my best, the falseness of the set-up striking me so forcibly that I'm unable to commit myself to it in the least. It seems to me that auditions, like examinations, only prove that you can audition. It reveals little about your acting capacity.

Preparation:

*Until ideas become translated into sensations, they're of no use whatever to acting.

*When you're reading your own part, you do it with your inner ear wide open. Eventually, a certain voice will insist. Who is this? You strain to hear (it's like sitting round a ouija board). Oh god, yes! It's X! Well, is the character anything like X? In what way? That's the ideal state in which you should arrive at the first read through: imminent.

*The amount of work needed on such a role requires every second of the rehearsal period, and time spent clutching the book - I believe, contrary to the Edith Evans and Staniskalvsky schools - is time wasted. It merely delays the moment at which the through patterns of the part become your thought patterns, at which the impulses of the character become your impulses.

*It's unrealistic to expect to be word perfect on the first day of rehearsal. The reality of being on the floor with the other actors will throw you completely - and quite rightly.

*Bill Gaskill has said that his definition of a great actor is 'one who comes to the first read through with his lines learned.

*For me, the whole point of learning the lines is to be as free to offer alternative possibilities as can be.

*Work, in the sense of labor, isn't quite the word: the preparation period is more like dreaming, relevant dreaming.

Whatever sort of an actor you are, the play and the part will invade you twenty-four hours a day. You will hardly be able to say where or when the work is done.

Character:

*A play is nothing but characters in action.

*The character must be construed from his words (and things said about the character by other characters).

*What kind of man talks like that?

*You may know more about the character you're playing than the writer does.

*Pam Gems was mildly surprised, when she went to see her play Franz Into April, that Warren Mitchell (Franz) uttered a number of lines that she couldn't remember having written. At the end of the performance, she mentioned this without rancor - she thought they were rather good lines - to Warren, who replied: 'Look Pan, you only wrote him - I've been him.' - but it is a sure sign that the character's blood is flowing through your veins and that you have discovered the iceberg of which his words are the tip when you can put him in any situation and speak as him. This fusing of lives - yours, his, and the author's - is the vital anarchic energy.

*To begin with you'll probably conventionalize him, see him as a type. You must do this, simply to separate him, stake out the territory. Then day by day, you particularize.

*Now I know that unless it's me speaking - some version of me - no one is. When you've defined, by analysis or intuition, those parts of yourself that coincide with the character, you let them rip, while consigning the parts which are irrelevant to temporary oblivion.

*Olivier has made famous a remark of Tyrone Guthrie's: 'If you don't love the character, then you can't play him.' This is surely not true. If you don't love BEING him, you can't play him. (Eichmann in Good was this way for me - pure evil 'architect of the holocoust' - but he was fun to be.)

*I tried to play Orlando like Berlioz instead of the way he's usually played: like Puccini. He thought it was the most pretentious thing he'd ever heard, and it possibly was, but it meant something to me WHICH TRANSLATED TO ACTING. Describing it differently wouldn't have had the same direct effect on him versus his musical description.

*Picasso says: 'To imitate others is necessary. To imitate oneself is pathetic.'And of course acting is an art of imitation, of taking on the qualities of another, to find where they match yours, to what extent it would be possible for you to look like/talk like/ walk like/ feel like that man. The actor, talking got another man, often begins to assume his accent. He is in a state of ontological flux.

*often the belief is a matter of summoning precisely the right sensation. Then you simply act under its influence. We've all had regal moments. Re-invoke them, and you're a king.

*You contain within you a memory bank, comprising thousands and thousand of memories of WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO BE...whatever. You never stop observing and trying out for size the behavior of your fellow human beings.

*MacLiammoir had a story about this: he and Hilton Edwards went to Morocco in the thirties. Hilton went off sightseeing for the day. That afternoon a message reached Micheal that he'd had an accident and was feared dead. He burst into tears and ran downstairs to the reception desk. On the way down, he passed a mirror and caught sight of himself in it. 'Oh,' he thought to himself, 'that's what one looks like when the person dearest t on in the whole world has just died.'

*An actor, like any other artist, is someone who can't forget. A painter's medium is paint, a writer's words. An actor's medium is character.

*You need a lot of memory for a role. Every line, every moment, every impulse has to be made particular and grounded in some sensation because it was so for the character.

Rehearsal:

*If character is supremely the actor's responsibility, the other three thrusts of rehearsal work fall into director's province: narrative, meaning and style. Narrative is only what the characters do, so if the character is unclear or misconceived, so will the narrative be. And if either of those are in trouble, what chance does the meaning of the play (or its super-objective) have of being articulated? As for the style, that being the whole expressive gesture of the piece, it consists almost by definition of the sum of all other elements.

*What is hard for some directors, as for some parents, is that the whole object of the exercise is to give the actor-child his freedom and independence, to phase themselves out and hand over the reins unconditionally.

*Style - what is the technique, the flavor, the personality of this play, as opposed to any other?

*The most important objective of rehearsals is to achieve a clear mind: to have resolved the areas of doubt, cleaned out the mud.

*Action. Every moment of the play must become active: you must always be doing something to another character - or yourself, if you're alone - and you must find a million ways of doing it; a million characteristic ways, that is.

*Curiously, many things which appear not to work at all fall into place once a degree of speed has been attained.

*Into the theatre - For me these moments, not rehearsal at all , just wandering around, picking up a prop, sitting in a chair, pottering about on the set, are as creative as anything that's gone before.

Performance:

*It's said that Anna Magnani, whose emotional vitality was never in need of stimulation, used to do a crossword puzzle before every performance because it was her mind that needed waking up.

*It's well known that long runs are a relatively recent innovation. The accusing finger is generally pointed at Oscar Asche whose Cu-Chin-Chow ran for five years from 1916 to 1921; but of course the phenomenon grew out of social and economic factors.

*Most of our 'classics' had initial runs of three or four performances and would then, if lucky, be revived as part of some touring company's repertory.

*Comedy - the business of playing comedy was not to make the audience laugh, but to let them laugh 0 to make the audience witty; not to bludgeon them but to awaken them; to tickle and not rape.

*Time is the crucial dimension. The nearest expedience in daily life to what an actor feels in performance is the successful time of a joke: the sense of inevitability about it, the way in which space seems to exist around it, the waves of emotion that it releases in its audience the sort of halo that descends on its utterer.

*The is a story of Laurence Olivier which bears on all this. He gave a performance of Othello one night long into the run so brilliant that the cast applauded him at the curtain call. When it was over, he tore back to his dressing room in a towering rage and slammed the door behind him. One of the actors timidly knocked on the door and said: 'What's the matter. Larry - don't you know you were brilliant?' And he said, 'Of course I fuckin' know - but I don't know why.'

*And you never do: no matter what you do, the performance can go one way or the other and as you rake the embers looking for reasons, the evidence is all contradictory. For actors as for farmers, nothing's ever right.

*I discovered the secret of acting. This is it: acting demands the suspension of will. Everything that is will-full in a performance comes between the actor and the performance because it is inherently future-stressed. The actor must simply be. The character must want, the character must will. But the actor must be, with the totality of his being, in front of the audience at this moment.

*The essential attitude to the audience is one of compassion. Let the audience laugh, don't make them laugh. Make them witty. Our job is to restore them, to massage or tease or slap the sleeping parts into life again.

What needs to be broken down completely is the concept of the theatre as an exclusive club with rules of behavior all of its own. It's neither lack of money nor lack of interest that maintains the theatre as a minority art: it is the lack of accessibility in every sense. These huge journeys which have to be made! Why is there no theatre in the whole of the South of London, for example? I'm not however pleading for community theatre. The essence of theatre is to be particular and general: it must belong to its community, but it must also belong to the whole community. It must, as it were, bring news of (Iowa) to the outside world, but it must also bring news of the outside world to (Iowa).

Performance days:

* Wake up. A merest 'mmm' will reveal the state of your voice.

*You never feel that the day is really your own.

*Personally, I avoid the theatre for as long as possible, all in a desperate bid to preserve the freshness of the show.

*Curtain call. The Guthrie-esque, choreographed call is the best, summing up the play and the characters and leaving the audience on an upbeat. On the other hand, these calls can be very embarrassing, (a) if they're not very clever, or (b) if the show's a flop.

*There is, you see, no doubt that climaxing at night is not the natural metabolic pattern, and certainly not the natural social one. You long for evenings off, just to have a meal at a normal hour, and not to have to regulate your day as if you were a champion athlete. But they don't run every night. No one, in fact, runs every night except actors, who run and run. Opera singers and dancers never perform the same piece on consecutive evenings, never preform at all on consecutive eventing. Imagine a pianist playing the 'Emperor' Concerto eight times a week for nine months. Hamlets and Lears do.

*Self-consciousness is death to a performance.

Director-cratic society:

*Actors, quite clearly, have been stripped of imitative and responsibility. They wait to be hired; have been hired, they wait to be told how to play their roles (how, that is, to fit into the director's 'concept); and in the execution of the role and their conduct during its realization, they strive to please the director in order to be allowed to exercise their craft again. All important decisions about production have been taken before their involvement.

*Before the war: to manipulate the actor into giving the performance that he couldn't or didn't ant to give.

*Since the war: the director who has manipulated the writer into writing the play that he either can't or doesn't want to write.

*Actors and writers are both warned against the other, as potentially misleading. Moreover, the assertion of the supremacy of 'the text' (as plays have recently become) has provided a stick with which to beat actors.

*The idea of a director's style or indeed a company's style seems inherently to threaten the individuality of the work itself. It is also easier and less interesting to impose such a style than to undertake the enormous task of entering the mind and hearts of people of another time - and as far as plays are concerned, any time before yesterday is another time.

*The style of the eighties is a playing style, not the style of the plays. The result is MORE OF THE SAME. (Style is something I don't think about enough. Recently I find I'm aiming for naturalism in everything, when naturalism probably doesn't work for certain Shakespeare, Moliere, or other stylized plays. Good lesson.)

*About the ironing out of the individual features of individual authors: Firstly, the theatre seems to claim the right to use existing material to reflect modern life and needs; secondly, it seems to say: plays are about people, people's psychology doesn't change, therefore, we interpret the plays in the light of psychology as we understand it. This is false. People, their psychology and perception of the world change radically from year to year, let alone century to century. (Really stresses the importance of dramaturgical work - to be able to understand how people thought and what they believed throughout history. Freud didn't exist in Shakespeare's day.)

*Good questions to ask: What was the authors world? What made it tick? In what ways was it different/similar to our world? What was 17th century about a 17th century play? German about a German one? Above all, how do those particulars find expression in the play itself? And how is the play expressed by its playing style? These questions and their answers are habitually confined to the Program Notes. If they were the whole quest of the rehearsal, our stages would be filled with the most extraordinary, surprising and disturbing visions.

*It is the life in the play that we must go after.

*Instead of the director as the "be all end all" of the entire enterprise, he would have been chosen - employed, to be blunt 0 by the actors specifically for his knowledge of the world of the play and its performing traditions. It would be more like a symphony orchestra, who is self-governing.

*The important thing is to restore the writer - whether dead or alive - and the actor to each other, without the self-elected intervention of the director, claiming a unique position interpreting the one to the other. We don't need an interpreter - we speak the same language: or at least we used to.

The purpose of training is not to acquire polish and skill; those things come all too easily and quickly of their own accord. Its purpose is to inculcate habits of mind which will equip you to work in depth and with the fullness of your imagination whatever the circumstances.It will mean that your contribution to the theatre 0- and to society 0 will be infinitely richer and more valuable. So yes, we do need training.

Because they desperately need the income from fees, the schools now have to think very hard before turning anyone away, and even harder about dropping someone from the course once they have started, an essential feature of the process. This natural wastage identifies those with the stamina, the self discipline and the will for grueling business; talent is only a beginning.

Acting is not a liberal art. It is a craft; it prepares you for the job.

To interpret human life requires unending observation, profound sympathy, wide reading, the ability to open yourself to strange and unexplored areas of your personality and to penetrate deep into the lives of others. It requires, above all, work on one's own self. That, in the end, is one's medium.

Thirty Years On

Almost all of the so-called tragic roles in Shakespeare, and the heroic ones, are centrally concerned with power.

At the end of his life, Orson Welles used to lament that movies were no fun anymore because of the delay between getting the impulse to make a film and actually making it.

The learning of lines in advance had by now become a matter of policy with me.

The act of committing the words to memory demands constant questioning - Why does he say this after that? What is he trying to achieve?

If I know what I'm thinking, I can have no fear, no anxiety.

Re: discovering a role. The voice is almost invariably the starting point for me: until I hear the right sound coming out of my mouth, everything sounds false, out of tune, and my body ceases to behave as it should.

Re: Chekhov with bad Russian accents. How well are these people supposed to be able to speak English in their foreign accents? Do they from time to time grope for words, as almost anyone who is not wholly bilingual will do? But if the character is highly articulate, what then?

I can put up with anything in the theatre as long as the acting is compelling.

Seeing actors from the side of the director's table, I saw how pointlessly obstreperous (difficult to control and often noisy) I had often been in the past, how frequently I had come to rehearsals ill-prepared, how lazy I sometimes was. Perhaps some of this was due to the erosion of individual responsibility in a structure where the director believes that everything must come from him.

But I was struck by how often actors simply didn't seem to think that it was up to them to open their imaginations, to lose themselves in their characters, to volunteer alternatives.

Re: imitating Maggie Smith's phrasing. Imitation is a widely underrated technique of learning: it activates certain muscles, vocal and mental, which you might never deploy. (Jack O'Brien just brought this up in his book. How imitation can really help one understand the way a person talks or thinks.)

Re: Maggie Smith. There are other aspects of her technique which are quite specifically to do with engendering laughter for its own sake. One of the most moving sights in my career was catching Maggie, in occasional spare moments during rehearsals, sitting in a corner of the room, chanting her diction exercises: this great actress, at the peak of her fame and her powers, saying over and over again at speed 'what a to-do to die today' and red lorry, yellow lorry, red lorry, yellow lorry.'

Engage with consonants as a creative act. Our tongues and our lips are what fingers are to pianists, and we need to practice, and to be acutely aware of the impact of the different sounds. The consonants so often drive the sentence, give it buoyancy, stop it from dribbling to a halt or crawling along evenly like cold porridge.

Re: having been told you have a great voice. But this failure was compounded by my secret conviction that all the lessons were directed at the others, not at me. I scarcely grasped that unless you can breathe, you can't phrase - that is, you can't shape your text, easing it into vivid meaning.

There is no better way of observing an actor than directing them. Directing lends distance, and with distance comes enchantment.

The people whom the camera loves, those famous, blessed people, are those who will allow it to come right up close without becoming self-conscious.

Whenever anyone says to me 'Let's play a game,' my heart sinks. Whenever someone says 'Let's do some work,' I light up.

Some of the most precious time in the development of an actor's work on a character is spent simply staring at himself in the dressing-room mirror, subtly shifting shape according to impulses that he doesn't quite understand, rolling the taste of a person he is playing around his tongue.

Chekhov believed it was vital to engage with what he called 'the will of the auditorium,' to reach out to each member of the audience and share the creative act with him or her.

Chekhov wrote of naturalism: 'The legacy that naturalism will leave behind it will be coarsened and nervously disordered audience that has lost its artistic taste; and much time will be needed to restore it to health.'

The central purpose of Chekhov's teaching is to encourage the actor's respect for his or her own imagination and the freedom to create from it.

The theatre is the place where extraordinary things happen, where you see people behaving, not as they do on the street, but as they might in your dreams. Or your nightmares.

Film and television will perfectly satisfy the demand for realism. It is only when the need for something which goes further is felt that people have recourse to the theatre, an inherently poetic medium.

The theatre is precisely the place where you go to exercise that slack muscle, the imagination. It is the imagination's gymnasium.

It is not, as you stand in the wings, a question of being in character - but being ready for the character to take over. Character is an assumption, not an imposition.

Any attempt to go through lines is disastrous, robbing them of their freshness, dulling the brain.

Conditions for good acting: 1) you must need to act. 2) you must have talent. 3) most important: you must have a good character.

In order to be an actor, you have to show up at the theatre on time, you have to know your lines, you have to know your cues, you have to keep fit, you have to keep your brain alive, you have to be aware of your colleagues' needs, you have to fight against the inherent difficulties of saying the same lines over and over again, you have to want to give the audience something for their money, you have to understand that they have come to the theatre looking for something that they believe no other medium can give them, and you have to care when they are disappointed. You have, moreover, to learn how to keep your difficulties, personal, professional, physical, away from they audience.

The theatre remains one of the few areas in which people acknowledge that something more important is at stake than their own personal gratification or reward.

It's a pretty old arrangement, an actor and an audience, and we're not going to let it die.