Regarding the Excruciating and Painful Process of Filmmaking

Four days.

Four days out of sixteen. That's all I've worked. I continue to make more money in a single day of work than I have in entire seasons.

Jayden, the boy playing my son Jimmy in the film, chastised me yesterday for not being on set the previous two days. "Where have you been?!? You're lazy." Oh Jayden. It's not due to laziness, it's the oft-changing schedule with my work days spread far apart resulting in chunks of down time. Financially lucrative, but it leaves me isolated and bored. My days primarily revolve around when I work out, which isn't a bad life, but I could be doing more if I was home in New York.

And that's my major complaint. I have a wonderful life in New York that I haven't lead in about three months. I've been attempting to make a trip home, but every window I've had open closes on me just as quick. One day the schedule is Set, then next day it's in flux again. For some reason "I miss Thea and want to see her" doesn't sway the production schedule nor that of it's numerous name actors. Huh.

Filming yesterday went great. It was a happily falling action scene in the movie. Abigail and I playing keep away from Jimmy with a soccer ball on the porch. Basking in the rays of the long missed sun. The mailman comes and Jimmy plops down on my lap as I teach him how to throw a curve. He's enwrapped one take, bored the next. I try to teach him about continuity from take to take in movie making. He tries to teach me about a store named Mynards his friend told him about.

"My brother and I used to joke about that store too. 'Save big money at my narrrrds.'"

Teaching a six year old kid that and you feel like Jerry Seinfeld. He cracked up every time. I think he even guffawed one time. Guffawed!

This was Scene 160, the final scene of the movie that culminates with The End. A sliver of a scene in
the script and again it takes three hours. I'm not complaining, but the pace of film making still amazes me.

I've been looking for a window where I can observe on set a bit more. I've been a bit tentative to ask, but I think I just need to head over from base camp when I have down time. I met Chris Moroney that way yesterday. His scene was up next so he was over early and that gave me a chance to meet him. I haven't been star struck yet, not even with JT, and I wasn't overwhelmed when I met Chris either. This is due to careful mental manipulation and preparation.

Chris seemed just like a normal guy waiting to do his job. I wanted to say "love your work", which I might have done it if it hadn't been for the fact I would be referring to was his three episode cameo on Scrubs rather than his more recent and well-known work in Law & Order: SVU.

I'm trying to find a place of relaxation. Live in the moment and enjoy myself. It would be more fun if I had Thea with me. Then this would feel like vacation....well, more like vacation. Ultimately, I'm incredibly lucky to be doing this movie. Lucky to be acting as my career. It's not always easy, but then nothing in life ever is. It's about living in the moment and not moving the goal posts. I can't say I do it every day, but I'm getting better at it.

Explaining the Differences Between Film and Theater

Theater: You're cast. You receive the script and pour over it and learn your lines. You have your first rehearsal where you meet the director, cast and oftentimes staff members who work at the theater. Designers make presentations on their work and you discover what you'll wear and what the set looks like. You do a read through and even though you're prepared it never goes that well. But you got it out of the way, that gunky, clunky first try. You spend three to four weeks, six days a week, four to eight hours a day to talk about the scene, block it and rehearse it. You have a designer run after a few weeks and any comfort you felt with the play dissolves in front of an audience. But you get through it and leave that hurdle behind. Certain scenes get more attention than others as you refine and iron out the work. Finally you take it to the theater, where again you have to get the gunk out and readapt to new surroundings. Tech is integrated and it's slow moving. With every run of the show a few more people are in the audience and you get more and more comfortable. Finally you have your first official audience, be it a preview or opening night. There's exhilaration and nerves, but you've prepared and dissected for months so you're ready for it. You continue to explore and refine your performance over the weeks of the run, culminating in your last chance to "get it right," closing night, and you end your run.

Film: You're cast. You either get your scenes or the entire script, which you pour over and learn your lines. You explore the different scenarios of the scene, making guesses as to where the furniture will be and what the scene will feel like. Suddenly, it's your first day of shooting where you're called to the set, you get your hair and makeup done, and you head to your trailer. Perhaps they bring you some food or coffee, perhaps they don't. Perhaps you've met the person you'll be sharing the scene with, perhaps you haven't. Mainly, you wait. And wait. And wait some more. You try to relax and focus and go over your scene as many times as possible because you never know when they'll call you over. You're eventually summoned to the set for a rehearsal, which is not really about acting but about technical logistics such as where to place the camera and how to get the lighting just right. Your stand-ins take your spot so you can go change and prepare back in your trailer. You go over your scene as many times as you can, justifying the choices the director or cinematographer has made for you based upon the needs of the shot. Pick up this glass here, lean on your elbow here, making sure you do it at the same moment every time for continuity. You are summoned back to set where you take your positions and have last minute discussions. You shoot the scene in one or two takes, still trying to get a grasp on everything you're doing because they're moving so fucking fast. Next thing you know it's over. You hear, "We got it" and they're moving on to the next scene. It all feels vaguely unsatisfying and confusing, like a post-coitus with one night stand. (I've never actually had a one night stand, but I can imagine what it feels like).


Such was the case yesterday during filming. This was my third day on set and I had already learned a lot and I was feeling more and more comfortable with the camera. But yesterday was my "big" scene, the most important scene of the entire movie...for me. It was a bedroom scene where I'm consoling my wife over the recent loss of her mother. I had my lines down and I was prepared. We did a few rehearsals, but rather than discussing things like action and what's happening, it was largely about blocking and whittling the scene down. Words were changed and sentences were altered so many times it was difficult to remember what to say from take to take.

The director worked with me a lot, shouting out commands and manipulating my every move, which I couldn't help but feel was a condemnation of my performance. He spent time working with Amanda too, but it felt more like a collaboration. Maybe it's because she's a more seasoned film actor or maybe because she''s a "name" and one of the reasons this film is even getting made. I felt like he was picking up on my inexperience and passive demeanor, so I wish I had brought a more confident approach to the set.

It will be interesting to see what it ends up looking like in the final cut. I'm satisfied enough with the scene and I don't know how I would've done it differently. But I always want to feel like I nailed it and it didn't feel that way. But considering this was my first real film scene, a camera right in my face and tons of people hovering around, it could've gone much worse. I could've been been too self conscious and unable to focus. I could've let the pressure get to me and let that familiar laughter bubble up. But that didn't happen. I give props to Amanda for helping me stay in it. She was fully present and that really made a difference.

The moment was strong and it felt real and organic. Natural.

Now hopefully it makes the cut so I can see what it looks like and continue to learn from the experience.

Regarding the Experience Shooting My First Movie

I'm beginning to discover a new Truth in my life: The harder you work, the less money you make. Or put another way: The easier the work, the more money you make.

Auto shows have been easier than waiting tables has been easier than working in a video store has been easier than detassling corn.

And nowhere has this Truth been more apparent than in filming my first movie. It's called I Am Wrath and it stars John Travolta, Rebecca De Mornay and Amanda Schull and it's directed by Chuck Russell.

I haven't been very dedicated to keeping up with this blog, but with all the uncharted territory of making a movie, it is very necessary to devote a few posts to it.

Let me just start off by saying John Travolta is one of the nicest people I've worked with. He gets extra points because (1) he's a star and (2) his name above the title is probably the only reason the movie is being made. But he just genuinely reflects kindness. He's so congenial on set; he always makes time to talk to everyone and he's always in a good mood. He even takes time to take photos with the extras. This is his fifth decade making movies...I couldn't even begin to guess how many..but here he is treating everyone with respect and trying to bring as much joy to the process as possible. He took time to say hi to his "family", coming into the living room with a Yiddish accent straight out of Fiddler. His kids were in town and he was talking about how much better his mood is when they're on set with him. When he talked about them he radiated pride. His youngest, his four year old son, was asking him about what happens to people when they die. John said he wasn't sure, that maybe they go to another body, or they hang around or go somewhere else. His boy thought about this, then asked if a soul could taste. TASTE! How incredible is this kid to be asking those questions? We all marveled at his son's question and John kept smiling away, a proud father.

I think it's been a great lesson to meet a big celebrity, let alone get to work with one. I think about all the things that have been said about him, the face grabbing and "Adele Dazim" and it's all bullshit. It's tough to have cameras pointed at you and he's had them in his face for most of his life. But after observing how kind and genuine he is, I gotta say....fuck everyone that talks shit about him!

It's very bizarre being on a movie set, especially as an actor. A production assistant greets you when you arrive and tells you where to go. Usually it's hair and makeup. But before you go, they ask you if you want anything...coffee, tea, breakfast? 

"Uh yeah, what do  they have?"

"The usual breakfast stuff...they make a good chicken quesadilla too."

"Um...how about some bacon? And eggs? And potatoes of some kind?"

"Ok, i'll go ahead and bring that to you in hair and makeup."

"Are you sure? I can go get it..."

"No not at all!"

The amount they cater to me is difficult to take. I'm not used to being waited on. In fact, it's often my job to wait on other people. When I think about someone running to get me breakfast, I can't help but juxtapose that with being down on my hands and knees cleaning up broken glass and champagne at a Michael Kors store during a catering gig the previous month. Oh how life can change from moment to moment...

The tale of sitting around on a movie set and waiting all day is absolutely true. I was on set from noon-11:30pm yesterday and filmed for a combined hour and a half. The rest of the time I'm in this state of flux; preparing for the next scene and maintaining a state of readiness while also trying to relax and conserve energy.

Shooting a movie is obviously very different from performing in a play. The script has changed three times since I first got it two weeks ago. Yesterday, I was given a mic and a line in a scene where I originally wasn't supposed to have dialogue. And the stage directions have been wildly different from what actually ended up being filmed.

The whole time I've been nervous that this moment might be too big for me. That sharing a scene with a famous actor next to me, a massive camera pointed at my face, and a group of fifty crew members might make that ole "third eye" set up shop and zap my concentration. However I've largely been able to keep it at bay. It's still acting. It's still living truthfully in imaginary circumstances. In fact, it's often easier than what I'm used to in theater. On a movie set I have an actual couch to sit on, not a group of chairs that represent a couch. I have four walls around me in a house, not three walls and a gaping hole where an audience is watching me. And I have real food on the plate in front of me, not a large helping of air and emptiness.

After two days of shooting, I've learned an awful lot both in the logistics of filming as well as how to conduct yourself on set. Kindness works everywhere, so that was a pretty easy one to guess, though I always try to bring that to a work environment. Being professional was another easy one. But malleability is something that I've learned, to be able to invent business for yourself or change an interpretation on the spot.