Overwhelming satisfaction.
I could not be any happier with how Gruesome Playground Injuries has gone. Three months. Three MONTHS in the making! And now it's here...it's over. My job is over. It's past tense. I DIRECTED Gruesome Playground Injuries. I'm no longer DIRECTING Gruesome Playground Injuries.
The show last night was beautiful. It was a perfect game. It's everything that I wanted it to be. I was euphoric and giddy, emotional and teary-eyed...I was satisfied.
After the bow, I had to go back into the green room to be with the cast. I needed time to enjoy the moment and let it sit without hearing any responses from the audience. Because the truth is: I didn't care. I didn't care if people liked it.
I liked it. Peter and Kelly liked it. Brian, Devon, and Sara liked it. The team liked it and that's all that matters. Immediately after the show that was all that mattered to me. I hugged Peter and Kelly for too long...almost felt like I collapsed in their arms and just wanted to stay there. I was satisfied. And settled.
It's HARD WORK producing/directing/designing/managing a show, no matter how many people you have supporting you. But the key is: Work with people you want to work with. Nothing else matters after that, because it'll take care of itself. Everyone must be on the same level of COMMITMENT and DEDICATION. If they aren't, it doesn't work. Resentment sets in and it'll blow up in your face. That's probably the biggest thing I learned. The team needs to be on the same page.
Favorite responses from last night:
Yours (Tony's): In regards to how you liked the chalk: "It was ok." That's what I appreciate about you, Tony...your honesty. The chalk was completely put on by me and it's not really your thing, I don't think. Totally fine. I got the sense that you enjoyed the production and you were proud of us....and me. Your opinion is weighted the most and I'm so thankful that you gave it to me throughout this process. It was invaluable. You seemed pleased that they were alive and in the moment. Kelly wasn't just pissed off the whole time. Peter was grounded. I think superobjectives were there..though they always can be stronger.
Jen Goff: "This was full of that Russian artistry. Actors were full of lightness and ease. The chalk and mopping was inventive and creative." This mean the world to me as my big goal in this process was to attempt to implement and create something with those Russian ideals: Simpler. Higher. Lighter. Merrier. JOY. Ease. All of these I harped on and wanted to flow through this production. I was able to learn what worked in their implementation and what didn't. I want to KEEP WORKING AT IT. I think a lot of people feel that young directors try to put a concept on to a show as a means of creativity...but then they lose that as they direct other pieces...like they've learned the error of their ways. Not me. Well....maybe it will be, I don't know. But I don't want it to be me. I want to keep pushing the envelope. I want to work with like-minded individuals and challenge myself to make the type of theatre I want to see. That's what Gruesome was: The type of theatre I want to see. And it gave me great JOY and pleasure to watch it.
Seth Amadei: "Jordan, I'm really proud of you." A very candid and genuine response from Seth. Meant the world to me too. From knowing Seth, I know that he is a tough critic to please...in a good way. You should demand good theatre...not settle. And he doesn't. So I was very happy when I heard this. He liked it. I dare say that he LOVED it. His wonderful wife was half the cast, which I'm sure helped, but he really respected what we did. He had read it, so he was at least a little familiar with the text. But he really appreciated the chalk as well....the mopping of the floor before the final scene especially satisfied him. I was very honored by his response.
Rob Pantano: "That's the best thing I've ever see Peter do." This was very nice to say because he directed it largely TO me...which was very flattering. He has the tendency, as I'm sure you know, to ham it up and play for laughs. He'll even admit to this! So I had to try and rein him in and make sure he was staying true to the character/play/homework that we'd worked on. And I started to learn that all it took to keep him in line was ask him, "Are you playing for laughs now or schmacting or hamming it up?" And he would candidly say, "Yes" with a smile on his face and feeling of remorse. It's so enjoyable to watch him when he's grounded and not delivering a line for our, the audience's, benefit.
Rob also mentioned the chalk and how it made him "feel"...same thing with the mopping. It was nice to get that response from Month in Moscow alumni because we all have the same vantage point now. The work they do over there is beautiful, but why can't we do the same?
I'm sure this all sound like I'm giving myself a big pat on the back, but I'm allowing myself to do this for this post only. There's still MANY things that could've been better about this show...that's just the nature of art. But with the time we had, I'm happy with the product.
And very satisfied.
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